Monday, February 22, 2010
Friday, February 19, 2010
A Valentine's Recap
Valentine's day has never been a day where C and I spend a massive amount of money for dinner and gifts. She loves to give me stuffed animals and I like to get her sappy cards. Needless to say Valentine's day was not a big commotion like it is for some people.
View from the room, not the nicest but not bad either.
We got a heart shaped pizza from C's (almost favorite pizza place) Pizza My Heart!
We stayed in a hotel all weekend too! ( Forgive the mess we already made about 5 mins into being in the room)
Had a very yummy breakfast Saturday morning.
Along with breakfast they gave us these pint sized tabasco sauces. I thought it was really funny how small they were.
Thursday, February 18, 2010
Nothing really
I have not been updating since there is nothing really to update on. No + OPK yet but sure lots of CM! Im holding out on calling for the Provera until next week sometime.
I had said before that I already looked at this cycle as a bust, but I guess part of me hopes its not.
I had said before that I already looked at this cycle as a bust, but I guess part of me hopes its not.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Once Upon a time...
Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be a mommy. I spent hours taking care of my Cabbage Patch dolls, lovingly placing them into laundry baskets I had stolen from the garage. I placed their blankets (which my mother had stitched their names into, like a real baby blanket) into the basket and placed it on top of my bed. I "fed" them and loved them like they were real.
When my 1st nephew was born, I was astatic. He and my sister spent many nights here, while his father worked night shifts. I was always the first one who wanted to feed him, change his diaper, hold him, play with him and all of the other joys that being around a baby brings. I would confidently tell people how he liked to be held and how to fed him his bottle.
As my teenage years started, having a baby or rather wanting a baby, left me (thank goodness). I had boyfriend after boyfriend and lived life as I pleased. As I graduated high school there were many relationships that had been left in bad terms, bad tastes left in others mouths about how we ended. I moved on, always looking for the "right" relationship. The boys in high-school and then men out of high school I dated were all wrong. They were to short, to tall, lived to far, lived to close, had a baby, didn't want kids, didn't have a job or worked to much. I had started to think it was me, what was it within me that pushed these relationships away. What was I looking for that I had yet to find?
and then I met her...
C took me by storm. Not knowing she even existed before the moment I met her. At the time I lived with her step brother ( whom is gay and at the time we got along great.) I had not yet admitted to my self I liked girls, I thought it was a phase I would get through).
"Im going to bring my sister over" M ( C's step brother) told me
"You have a sister?" I asked back, in amazement
"Yea, she just moved back from L.A"
At this point I admitted I didn't really want to mean anyone new, but agreed to have him bring her over.
I walked outside as M pulled up the house in his blue Jetta. He got out first and then C. I shook her hand and began to talk to M about going to Starbucks. We took my car, my small Saturn Ion that caused to much work to get into the back seat. The boy I was dating had been going along with us, but couldn't stay long. I was thrilled that as he left, he kissed me, not for the first time but he kissed me. Im still unsure to this day if C felt anything as she saw me kiss him because she has said that the car ride to Starbucks, she watched me drive.
We got our drinks and sat on the patio, in the warm night and I watched her from across the table. She made me smile, the smirk on her face made me giddy and excited.
The next few weeks we saw each other, kissed, made out and fell in love. In the early days of our relationship, C lived with her grandparents. I would pick her up on Friday after we were both out of work and we would spent the weekend with each other, enjoying each other and not wanting Sunday to come, but it came as it always did. We would pack up our weekend and drive to drop her off. I would hold her hand tight, wishing she could stay. It never failed that as I left her, I cried. I was falling in love with her and wanted to badly to stay with her. Thankfully the time came where we moved in together...
I was with her always and talk began of getting married and having a baby. I was amazed at how much and how hard I had fallen in love with her and loved every minute of it....
After getting married we began to talk about having a baby. We played with the idea and talked, talked and talked some more. We knew that I was not just going to get pregnant like may other couples, we knew that if we wanted this, we had to work for it. So we decided, we would start trying for a baby....
Months after talking about donors, sperm count, blood tests, medicine and mood swings, the want or need to be a mommy has returned. The first month we had our IUI, I prayed every night, not so much to be pregnant but to have an easy road with no major complications. I so badly wanted to not only have a baby but to make C a mommy. She is amazing with children and deserves one of her own.
So when the first Beta results came back negative, I felt like I had failed her. I am her only hope of being a mommy and I had let her down.
What I feel for C, is unlike anything I have ever felt. It is a complete relationship with no voids, what if's or buts. Im no longer looking for something better because I have found the something I looked for for years. Just because she is not a Knight in shinning armor, doesn't mean she didn't save me.
When my 1st nephew was born, I was astatic. He and my sister spent many nights here, while his father worked night shifts. I was always the first one who wanted to feed him, change his diaper, hold him, play with him and all of the other joys that being around a baby brings. I would confidently tell people how he liked to be held and how to fed him his bottle.
As my teenage years started, having a baby or rather wanting a baby, left me (thank goodness). I had boyfriend after boyfriend and lived life as I pleased. As I graduated high school there were many relationships that had been left in bad terms, bad tastes left in others mouths about how we ended. I moved on, always looking for the "right" relationship. The boys in high-school and then men out of high school I dated were all wrong. They were to short, to tall, lived to far, lived to close, had a baby, didn't want kids, didn't have a job or worked to much. I had started to think it was me, what was it within me that pushed these relationships away. What was I looking for that I had yet to find?
and then I met her...
C took me by storm. Not knowing she even existed before the moment I met her. At the time I lived with her step brother ( whom is gay and at the time we got along great.) I had not yet admitted to my self I liked girls, I thought it was a phase I would get through).
"Im going to bring my sister over" M ( C's step brother) told me
"You have a sister?" I asked back, in amazement
"Yea, she just moved back from L.A"
At this point I admitted I didn't really want to mean anyone new, but agreed to have him bring her over.
I walked outside as M pulled up the house in his blue Jetta. He got out first and then C. I shook her hand and began to talk to M about going to Starbucks. We took my car, my small Saturn Ion that caused to much work to get into the back seat. The boy I was dating had been going along with us, but couldn't stay long. I was thrilled that as he left, he kissed me, not for the first time but he kissed me. Im still unsure to this day if C felt anything as she saw me kiss him because she has said that the car ride to Starbucks, she watched me drive.
We got our drinks and sat on the patio, in the warm night and I watched her from across the table. She made me smile, the smirk on her face made me giddy and excited.
The next few weeks we saw each other, kissed, made out and fell in love. In the early days of our relationship, C lived with her grandparents. I would pick her up on Friday after we were both out of work and we would spent the weekend with each other, enjoying each other and not wanting Sunday to come, but it came as it always did. We would pack up our weekend and drive to drop her off. I would hold her hand tight, wishing she could stay. It never failed that as I left her, I cried. I was falling in love with her and wanted to badly to stay with her. Thankfully the time came where we moved in together...
I was with her always and talk began of getting married and having a baby. I was amazed at how much and how hard I had fallen in love with her and loved every minute of it....
After getting married we began to talk about having a baby. We played with the idea and talked, talked and talked some more. We knew that I was not just going to get pregnant like may other couples, we knew that if we wanted this, we had to work for it. So we decided, we would start trying for a baby....
Months after talking about donors, sperm count, blood tests, medicine and mood swings, the want or need to be a mommy has returned. The first month we had our IUI, I prayed every night, not so much to be pregnant but to have an easy road with no major complications. I so badly wanted to not only have a baby but to make C a mommy. She is amazing with children and deserves one of her own.
So when the first Beta results came back negative, I felt like I had failed her. I am her only hope of being a mommy and I had let her down.
What I feel for C, is unlike anything I have ever felt. It is a complete relationship with no voids, what if's or buts. Im no longer looking for something better because I have found the something I looked for for years. Just because she is not a Knight in shinning armor, doesn't mean she didn't save me.
OPK's, Vomit & CM..O MY!
First let me start this post off my saying WHO DAT!!! Way to play last night Saints! Im normally a 49er girl but I was all for the Saints last night!
On another note, I threw up in the shower this morning. All night my stomach had been hurting but I tried not to notice it. Undeniable this morning, so I called into work. C and I slept a bit more but then she had to get up to take her grandparents to the Dr, she wont be home until tonight.
Just for fun last night C wanted to take an OPK so she did, it was negative. Hehe Speaking of OPK's I need to do one today. I took 2 yesterday, 1 in the morning-ish and one late evening. Both negative. For some reason I have given up on this cycle, but last friday when I started having creamy CM, Here is how the convo went with C
"So..im having creamy CM"
"Is that good?"
"Sure, I guess so"
"I mean thats what we want right?"
"Sort of"
She is really hopeful, but me, I just take it as it comes.
As for our vacation, I keep forgetting that we both need a passport and that it takes 6 weeks to get one. Therefore it doesn't look like April will be the month we go. We are going to pay for it all and then as soon as we have our passports we will decide when.
On another note, I threw up in the shower this morning. All night my stomach had been hurting but I tried not to notice it. Undeniable this morning, so I called into work. C and I slept a bit more but then she had to get up to take her grandparents to the Dr, she wont be home until tonight.
Just for fun last night C wanted to take an OPK so she did, it was negative. Hehe Speaking of OPK's I need to do one today. I took 2 yesterday, 1 in the morning-ish and one late evening. Both negative. For some reason I have given up on this cycle, but last friday when I started having creamy CM, Here is how the convo went with C
"So..im having creamy CM"
"Is that good?"
"Sure, I guess so"
"I mean thats what we want right?"
"Sort of"
She is really hopeful, but me, I just take it as it comes.
As for our vacation, I keep forgetting that we both need a passport and that it takes 6 weeks to get one. Therefore it doesn't look like April will be the month we go. We are going to pay for it all and then as soon as we have our passports we will decide when.
Sunday, February 7, 2010
OPK's & my father in law
We went to Costco last night with my In-Laws, we had to get a few items and they went shopping. While we were standing in line my 17 year old sister in law started asking about the OPK so as I am explaining them to her my father in law picks up the package and starts reading it. I thought it was funny so I took a picture..
Saturday, February 6, 2010
OPK's
Yesterday when I got off of work C and I went over to Costco to pick up some OPK's. We got 10 Clear Blue Easy for $19.97, not bad. Now our RE told me to test every other day until the 20th. So I took one at my SIL's just for fun and got a faint line.
This morning I posted on The Bump message boards an got a lot of responses of ladies who said that they test everyday and that if I test every other day, I may miss my surge. So I will be testing everyday until the 20th. This however means that we need more OPK's. I went to Target to look at them and the price there is INSANE! $24.99 FOR 7! Are they insane?!
On another note, Im going to test again around 4ish, but I have to pee now!
This morning I posted on The Bump message boards an got a lot of responses of ladies who said that they test everyday and that if I test every other day, I may miss my surge. So I will be testing everyday until the 20th. This however means that we need more OPK's. I went to Target to look at them and the price there is INSANE! $24.99 FOR 7! Are they insane?!
On another note, Im going to test again around 4ish, but I have to pee now!
Thursday, February 4, 2010
Crampy day..o I mean crappy
I was nervous like always when we go into the Dr. So we got situated and she took a look at the right ovary, bone dry. Nothing, nada.
So we move onto the left, again, nothing.
So she said instead of having me come back a few more times she wants me to do OPK's until the 20th. If I dont ovulate by then she will put me back on the Provera for the next cycle. I cried when we got into the car.
C and I talked and decided that this sort of comes at a good time. We are planning the trip to Cancun hopefully in April. We will go on a TTC after this cycle and restart in May or June. It will give us time to recoup financially and save up some more money. I am also going to start trying to loose more weight ( 50 pounds) before we start TTC again.
This by no means, means that I will not be blogging any more.
Follie Scan this morning
Its in about an hour and I am so worried that we wont have any mature follies this time around.
On another note..THANK YOU for the comments! It made me smile!!!
I will update on follie scan sometime this afternoon.
On another note..THANK YOU for the comments! It made me smile!!!
I will update on follie scan sometime this afternoon.
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Decisions
Let me preface this by saying that the last 4 almost 5 years that C and I have been together, I have tried will all of my might to get her on an airplane. She is scared of heights and WILL NOT get on one.
So she comes home on Monday night from L.A and tells me this
"Remember how my mom and R(step dad) are going to Cancun?"
"Yea, I remember"
"My mom was telling me that we should go with them"
(me not trying to get my hopes up) "Yea, im up for that. It would be fun"
"Okay..."
"So do you want to go?"
"Yea"
I about dropped over right there!
Then we came to the dilemma.
My In-laws are supposed to go with some friends of there's on the trip but not until Jan 2011! My Father in Law says he doesn't want to wait that long and he would love to go in April! So we are currently on cycle #2 and might have an IUI at the end of this week. So, if we dont go until Jan. 2011 and IF I get pregnant this time, the baby will only be about 2 months old.
So we talked to my in-laws and told them that we should just go in April. If we all decide to go in April and IF I dont get pregnant this time, we are going to go on a TTC break until May. This way we can both go to Cancun and save up more money for TTC.
Both exciting and a little sad.
So she comes home on Monday night from L.A and tells me this
"Remember how my mom and R(step dad) are going to Cancun?"
"Yea, I remember"
"My mom was telling me that we should go with them"
(me not trying to get my hopes up) "Yea, im up for that. It would be fun"
"Okay..."
"So do you want to go?"
"Yea"
I about dropped over right there!
Then we came to the dilemma.
My In-laws are supposed to go with some friends of there's on the trip but not until Jan 2011! My Father in Law says he doesn't want to wait that long and he would love to go in April! So we are currently on cycle #2 and might have an IUI at the end of this week. So, if we dont go until Jan. 2011 and IF I get pregnant this time, the baby will only be about 2 months old.
So we talked to my in-laws and told them that we should just go in April. If we all decide to go in April and IF I dont get pregnant this time, we are going to go on a TTC break until May. This way we can both go to Cancun and save up more money for TTC.
Both exciting and a little sad.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
BFP dreams..
This may be the first time I have dreamt about getting a BFP, but I cant remember. Any ways..
So in my dream last night, C and I were in a hotel room. She was telling me about a dream that SHE had about me taking a HPT and it coming out a BFP. In her dream she was consoling me and then we apparently had while sex. So in my dream she wanted me to take a HPT so we could then have wild sex. Well when I took the HPT in the dream it said "Pregnant".....and then I woke up.
I have high hopes for this current cycle but know that the road we are on may be a long one, please send us lots of baby dust.
Grow follies grow!!!
So in my dream last night, C and I were in a hotel room. She was telling me about a dream that SHE had about me taking a HPT and it coming out a BFP. In her dream she was consoling me and then we apparently had while sex. So in my dream she wanted me to take a HPT so we could then have wild sex. Well when I took the HPT in the dream it said "Pregnant".....and then I woke up.
I have high hopes for this current cycle but know that the road we are on may be a long one, please send us lots of baby dust.
Grow follies grow!!!
Monday, February 1, 2010
Follie Check
I had my apt. at 9 am this morning. The first one without C and hopefully the last one without her. It was sad not to see her sitting in the chair in the exam room with me, but the Dr. came in quickly. No mature follies yet but she said my lining is looking really good. She was hoping that since they upped my Clomid from 100 mg to 150 mg they would grow faster, but it doesn't look that way. Im not looking for a quick fix or even a miracle drug that will make my follies bigger faster, I just want them to grow into nice mature follies. Next cycle, if there is a next cycle, I may ask for the second scan to be on CD 16 or 17 since it seems like it takes my follies longer to grow.
So after my apt. I dropped by Jamba Juice, Yummy!
So after my apt. I dropped by Jamba Juice, Yummy!
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