A real weekly update! Week 6

Let's see, I feel better about eating and the heartburn has died down a bit. Im still the gas queen, burping and farting =/ quite a bit. Not as tired either.

Let's take a look at what thebump.com says is goin on in the womb right about now.

Baby's now the size of a sweet pea!
Growing like crazy, baby is starting to sprout eyes, ears, nose, cheeks, and chin. Those little hands and feet -- still webbed like paddles -- might wiggle by week's end, the heart is beating (almost twice as fast as yours!), and blood is starting to circulate.

Online says

Im 6w today! Cant wait for our u/s on Monday!

O yea my blog, that thing I forgot about!

It deserves an update!

The week we found out
Was also christmas week. We were shocked, amazed, grateful, cautious, happy etc etc etc. After a first great beta of 319 @ 15dpIUI we decided we would tell our family. We know that the road is long and whatever may be may be and thought that IF anything happened to our precious baby bear, we wanted all the support we could get. So we told them.

My mom was first on X mas eve. She received a silver frame that said " When a child is born, so is a Grandmother" I also added my own little poem that said

Dear Grandma,
Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
In August 2011
Ill be seeing 
YOU!


Her initial response was a mirage of "O MY GOD O MY GOD O MY GOD" mixed in with tears.

Next C's family found out on Christmas. We purchased a frame that said Nana on it for C's grandmother and wrote on the paper inside

Great Grandchild #14 Coming in August 2011


As for C's parents, they got this little onsie.

At first they didn't get it. They thought it was for my sister in laws baby who was just born. Until C said it wasn't for him that they got it. We got a lot of hugs and congrats and that they would all like a girl. =)

I finally got my second beta back from yesterdays blood work. It came back as 2221! Whooo hoo!

Its time..

On Sunday night I told C that my plan had been to wait until Wednesday to test here at home and then get a beta done. Well I realized that IF AF was on her way, the progesterone was stopping her a bit and she would be late any way. So I said " Im going to test Monday morning and see what happens"..

Monday Morning
I get up out of bed, one eye open and grab the pee stick. I stumble into the bathroom, pee on it and set it on the back part of the counter and start my timer. I proceed to wash my face, do my hair and then look down at the timer. O its been 3 1/2 mins, I can look. Before I looked at the stick I braced my self for what I was so accustomed to, nothing. I took a few deep breathes and grabbed the stick.....

2.PINK.LINES.HOLY.SHIT.IM.PREGNANT!

I started to shake and cry. Who knew that a second pink line could do all that to a person. Who knew that the second pink line would make me feel like I never had before. I had no idea what to do. So I run to the room pick up the phone and call C. The convo went like this.

" Hi baby what are you doing?" Mind you I sound like im crying
"Nothing just throwing some stuff away"
"Umm..baby...we did it"
"What?"
"Im pregnant!"
"NICE!!!" She said something after that but for the life of me I can not remember.

So on my lunch on Monday I went in to have the blood work done. They were supposed to do an inital test and if it came back positive ( which it did) they were to run to get #'s. They didnt. So I had to go in on Wednesday for MORE blood work and got the numbers this morning.

319 baby! RN said numbers look great and I got the run down of what I can eat and drink. No tap water, no king swordfish, only some tuna and all the meat I want. (Yuck!) I go in tomorrow for another beta and get results on Monday. Also we should have our first ultrasound on either Thursday or Friday to hopefully see the baby bears heartbeat. We are still in disbelief.

** To My In real life friends. Please please please please please do not say anything on FB. You may text me if youd like. We are not out of the woods yet and will not be telling everyone until late Feb. Thanks!**

13 dpIUI

Snappy, Snarky, bitchy and Pissed Off. No apparent reason just feel annoyed with people. Everyday with no sign of AF is a good day though, even if I think this bitchyness is from PMS. I still have the sharp pain every once in a while and I have to wash my face 2x to get the oil off, thanks Progesterone I really appreciate it.

12 dpIUI

Cramping but feels different sort of in my cervix, semi sharp and only lasts for a quick second. I've also noticed that my face is so oily(yuck) and I have so much ear wax (double yuck!). Nausea this morning but I think its from all the OJ ive been drinking. I cant believe its already 13 dpIUI!

10 & 11 dpIUI

It was nothing new. Same random cramping and a bit of the SVP. Although the last 2 days I have noticed an increase in Watery CM and today EWCM. Not sure if that is a s/e of the prog sups. or not...

9 dpIUI and A new baby in the family

I dont even really remember yesterday. It was such a jumble of things and in the end we found our selves in the hospital waiting for our godson to be born. I do remember I had some cramping and started to get the SVP pain again but other then that, I cant remember.

I will post pictures of the little 7lb1oz 18in man in a few days. He is just precious...

8 dpIUI

I hate life. See below post. I have gas, my stomach has cramps and the million sit up pains, im tired and I noticed that I am breaking out like a teenager =(
 I hate Progesterone! Hate it Hate it Hate it!

Ive also noticed that last time I had weird pains, The SVP (Shooting Vagina Pain) and this time its the MSUP, Million Sit Up Pain.

I can't wait to go to sleep tonight.

Definition

Im not sure what it is or even where it started. Today, melancholy is how im feeling. My mind is being sent in so many different directions, im not sure it really knows how to feel.

Work-

Work is well work. Stressful but always fun. I spend my morning marveling over the children in my classroom who could play UNO for hours if I let them and who for the first time yesterday were given screws and screw drivers to investigate. They loved it. But so much of work is relationship based that when im having a sad day or an off day or a I-dont-feel-well-but-cant-really-tell-anyone-why kind of day, I wish I could stay home. 

Cycle-

The last IUI and now progesterone supps. have really sent me on a ride. The prog. sups. make me tired beyond belif and I sometimes think I may not make it though the day. The constant cramps ( ok not constant but they have yet to go away) and now the ijustdid1millionsitup's feeling to add to all of this. My back has been bothering me making it a bit hard to sleep and get comfortable. So there I am in bed, tired, cranky and cant fall asleep for the life of me. Feeling sad that C cant be there with me most of the time made me cry the other night, I feel asleep with tears streaming down my face. It was bad night. 

Godson-

I can not wait to meet this little bundle of joy in the next week. When I think about it, it makes my eyes well up with tears. Im not sure if the tears are happy tears or half happy half sad its not me. Either way, awaiting his entrence into the world is exciting but also taking an emotional toll on me. 

7 dpIUI

What a doozy! I called RE this morning to tell them that since my P4 levels were low I started the Progesterone Supps. but needed more. I was tired all day and could not wait to get home to rest! Some cramping but again mainly when I am in the car or just sitting. My back started hurting last night and it was a little uncomfortable. I think its from picking up the nephew, who is not light at all! Today also in my lower abdomen it feels like I have done a million sit ups! Not sure what that is about.

This 2ww feels short and honestly, I have not been thinking much about it. I try not to look into the phantom symptoms but my hope is still for a bfp

Never did I think

** Warning. This post contains the words vagina and dildo. Please note that you have been warned.**

Never in my life did I think I would be shoving huge pills up my vagina, inviting the dildo cam in with joy, having such a love/hate relationship with AF, popping more pills then I ever thought and caring about hormone levels. The joys of trying to make a baby!

5 & 6 dpIUI

5 dpIUI-Saturday Dec. 11
A bit of cramping, a bit of heartburn. Had my P4 levels taken.

6 dpIUI-Today
Had an easy day and got to sleep in, finally! Got the levels from yesterday and decided to take the Progesterone Supps. that I have until I talk to RE tomorrow. Im 99% sure they will want me on them until I get beta done.

Progesterone Levels back

7.8

Im not thrilled but its better then 5 or 2. I have a feeling that I am going to be going on Progesterone Supps. starting this week. I am going to take one tonight for good measure and then call RE office tomorrow morning.

Blood work this morning

The plan is to drop C off at G-Ma's house so she can start making tamales with the family. I on the other hand will be taking my happy self to Kaiser to get blood drawn. We are checking to make sure I O'd and want a number OVER 10! Numbers have never been so important to me in my life!

4 dpIUI

Heartburn man! All over the damn place and it sucks! Back ache but feeling like its due to the up and down at work ive been doing. Cramping on and off. I notice it more when im sitting down. Plus sort of gassy =/

3 dpIUI

Same cramping as before although at 11:30 this morning I got some sharp cramps that lasted a few minutes. Other then that feeling great!

Is that me

Making all that noise? My insides are not happy with the Met I took tonight!

2 dp IUI

Nothing to report. Some usual cramping, not as much as 1 dpIUI but still there a bit. Trying to eat better and drink lots and lots of water!

IUI Recap & 2dpIUI

IUI went well. Great Numbers and great grade! We can go in for beta on the 20th if AF has not shown by then. I am hoping to wait until the 22nd if AF doesn't arrive. But who knows how that will go.


1dpIUI-
Just some light cramping like I always get afterwards. =)

Shoot me up baby

Saturday night we were out of town. We stayed in Sacramento with C's aunt to celebrate a birthday. So here comes Saturday night and here comes the shot. I brought the bag o goodies out and C says " I want to mix it all" So she did

Stay Tuned

For a large post on

-Trigger Shot
-Dropping off Spermcicles
and an IUI recap!

IuI in 2 hours!

Spermcicle's Take 2

Getting ready for their car ride home ha ha! C text me this photo and said " This thing is huge!"

Follie Scan-Check!

Appointment went really well today! Usually the RN's have to search around for my left ovary, search and search and search. Today, was a different story. Dildo cam went in, found the left one. No issues. We saw a 17mm follie on the left and 12-13mm follie on the right. We trigger at home on Saturday Night and go in for IUI on Monday.

Beta will be on the 20th. O lord, please let this be our early christmas present!!

I also just looked back and this time of year 2 years ago we were doing our first IUI!

Spermcicle's

81 million to be exact!

Just ordered our vial for this cycle.

 81mil post was with 53% motility

Sick

I fought it and fought it but alas I am sick.

C and I went to the Raider game today ( Let's NOT talk about that huge disappointment!) and came home around 4. I had no intention of falling asleep with C but I did. Then I wake up around 9, unable to breath, throat hurting and runny nose. So out of bed I went and plopped myself in the spare room with a drink, my laptop and blanket. I plan to stay here until C goes off to work in about an hour, then attempt to go back to sleep.


The bleeding stopped, that goodness. To be honest I was very worried that I was ovulating

( You can stop laughing now)

Then I snapped back into reality, after the OPK came back - that is. Silly me...

The dull achy cramps are on and off and were a bit uncomfortable last night, im hoping that means something is cooking in there!

O and tomorrow, we buy the vial for this cycle! Horah for spermcicles!

F.A.Q's

Even if you have never left me a comment, even if you are just a random lurker on my blog, if you are a friend, a family member it doesn't matter. I have had many questions come up about Lesbian Conception and all that it entails. Nothing is off limits so ask away. I want to add them to my F.A.Q Section as well.

So come on...ask!

Christmas came early..No im not KU

This morning when C got off work she called me and said she was going to go Christmas Shopping for me. So I sent her my very detailed list. She hung out at her mom's for a long time and then told me she was on her way home.

When she got home I was watching The Great Sperm Race ( very interesting!) She came in and said " So i got you something but I want to give it to you now" She is really bad at waiting to give gifts. Any who so she gave it to me and it was a Silver Flip Camera! SCORE! I have been wanting one so bad, Thanks babe!

Today is CD 10 and I have been having some cramping on the left side as well as cramps in general. This morning I had breakthrough bleeding which I cant really find any information on. If it continues I may call RE on Monday and see what they have to say. Our mid cycle CD 15 Follicle scan is on Thursday and im really nervous. I am hoping and praying that the Femara is working wonders and gives us a few nice size follies on CD 15.

Almost there!

With *only* 2.5 days left of work, I could not be happier! Last night C and I made a run to Target, initially to get hairspray, but C is attracted to Christmas Decorations like a fly to honey, so we ventured over to take a look. I for some reason was very excited about the wrapping paper, nifty tape dispensers and cutie little name tags. So, C and I gathered some up and packed them in the cart.

Now for Black Friday!  I have a Super Top Secret mighthavetokillyouifitellyouwhatsonit list that NO one can see. Except me.. but let me tell you folks, there is some *Gooood* stuff on there!

Now onto the Baby Making
The last few days I have been having some Major heartburn at night. I have added an antacid to my nightly pill regiment and it seems to help. Today though my stomach has been extremely insane! Its either the med's, or im getting the flu. This morning my stomach was sounding not to happy, so I had a granola bar and a plum. About an hour or so later I was rushing into the bathroom ( Ill spare you the details). I just had some lunch with the kids ( BTW, Mustard Maple Chicken is SO good!) and now my stomach sounds like it is either going to A) Send me into the bathroom again or B) Burst out of my stomach onto my laptop.

 Let's hope neither happens.


I am happy to say that there have been no major Side Effects with the Femara and things seem to be going smoothly, wait, I lied. Last night there was some pains on my left side, down where my left ovary hides it self. It went on for a while, until I took 600mg meds, which seemed to help.

Some days I feel like a hypochondriac

Femara

Started Femara last night and the suckers are small! I mean tiny little pills that slipped out of my hands and onto the floor. Which sent me into a panic searching on the floor and telling C " Dont move! One fell on the bed!"

All seems to be going well, except that AF cant decide if she is leaving or staying a few more days. Then add in the cramps and it looks like she will stay a few more days.

I have already been thinking about " if this time works, when could we tell people!" I NEED to stop!

"My, people come and go so quickly here!"

Dorothy said it best when visiting Oz, things happen so quickly!

While I cant compare Dorothy's visit to Oz to our road of IF, I understand what she means! In the world of baby making its either, nothing is going on or its *all* going on. Today I finally called RE's office to find out what they consider CD1. The nurse on the phone said that if there is any brown at all, they dont count that as CD 1. So under that "No Brown Rule" I am currently on CD 2 and start the Femara tomorrow. See told ya it goes fast. In fact the day has gone by so fast I forgot to tell C that we have an U/S apt. on Dec. 2 @ 9:40am. Oppss! When I finally arrived at the Pharmacy and told them what I was there for, I was informed that the HCG trigger is now considered a controlled substance and I would have to sign for it. 

In other news around the house...

The weekend shall be filled with a cartoon watching, cereal eating, movie going and small pajama wearing  4 year old, The Boy as we call him. 

"I am your Hero right J?" He asked me tonight, " Yes, you are my Hero!" I told him

He is visiting this weekend and I can currently hear him conversing with C in "his room" the spare room with his stuff in it, about Spiderman and all other sorts of Super Hero's. C answers his questions with sort of a yes but more of a grunt, to which he continues to talk.

Here's to a great weekend!

A plee

I feel what I think may be cramps. Please O please o Please AF, hold off until at least..this weekend!

Crunch Time

So I am done with the Provera and let me tell you (which most of you readers know this) the Hot Flashes are KILLING me this time around! Geeze! C has been good about it, helping me out by opening the window or turning on the AC full blast for a few moments. What can I say, she's awesome. I've been slacking on taking my Metformin and prenatal, I know I know, I need to take them! The planning for this cycle is somewhat messed up. I got a bouns at work and we thought "Awesome! $$ for spermcicles, meds, ultrasounds and the IUI.!" and (although stupid on our parts) sort of stopped saving a bit. Then I realized that I wont get the money until the 27th, well that may be to late  =(
If it is, we will wait until next month. Let's hope AF is a tad overdue..


A few weeks ago C's Aunt called to invite us to a (dun dun dun) Baby Shower for her husbands niece. C asked me about going and said "I wanted to ask you first, I know how you feel sometimes about baby showers and such." I told her it was fine and that we could go. The baby shower was about an hour away so we went up Saturday night to Sacramento and went shopping in town with her aunt. With all the over exposure to baby items lately I feel like a pro walking into Target, Baby Registry in hand, find what I need and get out. Well not this time. The printers and computers in Target were down which meant we were unable to print the registry.

So there we are in the baby section trying to read the registry off of C's phone, which was NOT easy.  I was starting to feel a bit overwhelmed, plus there was a very pregnant women, her small child and like 5 other adults in her party making her registry. ::sigh::..

So we got the lamest gift ever.
Diapers and Wipes
(although the Mommy is having twins and said all the diapers she got were "Awesome")

I made it thought the actual baby shower and actually (gulp) had F.U.N! I won a game and enjoyed talking with other people.

I did get the question "So when are you two having children?" and still, Im not sure how to answer. I still dont have a "good" answer. I dont even know what I said. I think for the most part I stumble though the question and say something like "hopefully soon" and change the subject.

What can I say, we are indecisive

After a long talk and cry C and I have decided to join the bandwagon again, exactly 14 months earlier then planned. We said we would plan our wedding and did start to. Then the prices started to roll in and C said

"For this we could try 6 times for a baby!" 

I cried like normal but then got a *twinge* of excitement!

So, I made the call to RE, got the blood work done for Provera (To which C said, what would you do if it came back and you were pregnant?!) and started it. We are currently 3 days into Provera. The Femara and HCG trigger have been ordered and like normal, I call RE on CD 1.

For those of you who read this and are friends In Real Life or are on my FB, **please please please** dont say anything. I have decided not to tell ANYONE at this point and would rather fight this battle, this time, just C and I.

Sometimes it pours

Yesterday I put on my FB that while I am thankful for all that I have, sometimes its hard to forget what I dont.

Some days it pours.

Some days, at random times, in the car on the way to work, while getting ready for work, I start to cry. Nothing specific reminds me of what I dont have but something inside yearns for it all over again

and I cry.

 When I have to sit in a meeting with my very pregnant boss and watch her rub her belly for 45 mins. I want to burst into tears and hide. I want to find the nearest shelter and crawl in, blankets and all and hide. Hide from what I dont have and what makes me cry.

 When my mother has a card on the table congratulating someone on the upcoming addition to their family, I cry.

 I dont so much cry for my self ( I mean part of it is that) but most of all I cry for them.

 For C, who wants a baby so bad but knows that the road is long and hard ( and expensive!).

For my mother who so badly wants a grandchild but that road is also a long wait filled with anxiety of " what IF it never happens?"


So this morning while sitting here at work, alone, waiting for the others to arrive. I cried.

Feels like

Cramps.

Doubt AF will arrive though

"We tend to forget that happiness doesn't come as a result of getting something we don't have, but rather of recognizing and appreciating what we do have."

-Frederick Keonig

Ignorance is bliss...

After the last BFN I stopped taking my Metformin and prenatal's. I was tired of taking them and gagged almost every time I took them. I know I need to start back up and plan to do so on Oct. 1st..until then I get to be a free lady and IT.FEELS.GOOD!

On another note, I don't know what CD today is and honestly, I don't really care either.

Take that!

                                  Endometrin,Target brand OPK's, 1 Clear Blue Easy Pregnancy Test & Provera




I cleaned out the bathroom today and decided that I was tired of opening up the cabinet and seeing this stuff sitting in there. So I cleaned them out and put them away. They will still be good when we try again in January but for now they needed to go.

I have decided that i am not going to let IF get me down. Even though C and I want a baby more then anything we have so much going for us. We have so many things we can go and do together. We can enjoy sleeping in on the weekends and we can enjoy The Boy and Baby G ( Our godson, EDD Dec 17.)

Life is good even though IF is not..

It's time...

I figure 11 days is as good as any to let it out in the open.

 Our 2nd IUI was a bust.

I went in for my beta on the 5th only to find out that the paper work had not been sent in and therefore I could not get the blood drawn. I was upset to say the least. C said we should get a HPT to see. So we did.

STARK.WHITE

I said I wasn't going to cry and kept myself busy for a while after the results showed up. As soon as I laid down in bed, I cried. I let loose and cried hard. I didn't want to and tried to stop my self from doing it but I couldn't help it. I cried because I'm not sure if I will ever get pregnant and Im not sure if I will ever be able to give C the family and baby she wants. I cried because I know how badly we both wanted this and again, our dreams were run over by a big rig.

My Clomid cycles are over and next will be Femara. We have decided to not try again until Jan of 2011.

So we are out of sperm, out of money and out of chances with clomid. When you hit the bottom the only way to go is up, right?

12dpIUI

Woke up early today to go get C from work. We came home for a bit and she slept before we started getting ready. We got ready and headed over to the stadium for the Raider Game. C's Aunt & Uncle and friends of their's tailgate so we join them. We have a great time with great food while we wait for the game to start. We ended up only staying until halftime and then headed home. C is asleep as I type.

This morning, like the previous post says, I had to take Tylenol for the SVP. It felt stronger and was coming on more then it has been. It eased up the rest of the day, thank goodness! I actually think I found a way to stop the pain. When it starts to happen, I adjust my hips and bottom half slowly. It seems to stop the pain, its worked about 75% of the time so far.

For the last few days my nose has been going crazy! I feel like I smell things C doesn't which makes me feel crazy. There were a set of port-o-potties tonight that every time we walked by smelled like poop, really bad. I would cover my nose the smell was so bad. C and her Aunt both thought I was nuts! Then this morning on the way home from picking up C, I had to close the windows in the car. All the diesel smell was making me feel sick as well as some other unknown smell that was NASTY!

I think I may join C in her nap and end my night early....

Night!

What a lucky reader you are..

An early blog!

Im only blogging now because im home, off of work for 3 days.

The Shooting Vagina Pain, here on out shall be called SVP, is pretty bad this morning. I finally took some Tylenol and im hoping that helps ease the pain.

11dpIUI (Sept.1,2010)

I gave in this morning and called RE about the shooting vagina pain. When I spoke with the initial RN she put me on hold to go talk to a RE. She came back and informed me that

1- The pain was not due to the progesterone
2-It MAY be from the clomid but not likely
3- During the second 1/2 of the cycle more blood is flowing to my ute and that is more then likely what is causing the pain.

She also reminded me that my beta is on Sunday and wished me good luck! When I asked what I could do for the pain..Tylenol.

The cramps seemed to start more this evening being that I pretty much had none. My left boob is hurting a bit and ive been SUPER annoyed all day. With little things and I hate feeling like this.

Im convinced AF is on her way. Im just waiting for her to show up.

10dpIUI

Today was better. I was not as sick feeling and the hotness ( not fever but face was feeling hot all day) has gone away. I was still tired but somehow resisted the urge to nap. Im scared that if I nap during the day I wont sleep at night. But who am I kidding at this point I could sleep all day and be fine!

The shooting vagina cramps came back today, well mainly late afternoon around 2pm. The last one I had was a little bit go while getting out of the car. I have no idea what they are and at this point im starting to think the worst ( cyst or UTI ) I was going to call RE to ask today but never made it that far.

Was nauseous at the strangest thing today..cucumbers. While I was getting the children's lunch, it involved scooping cut cucumbers into a bowl. I started to feel that "o god" feeling and then i gagged a few times. I thought to my self " Really J, really??"

Again I blame all of this on the supps. I really do. Those evil things...

9dpIUI

Today was a wash. I woke up and felt like poop. I was still so tired but drug myself to work. On the way to work I texted my co teachers and ops. manager to let them know I wasn't feeling well. I started work at 7:45. By 1:00, lunch time, I knew it was time for a nap. I went down to the kitchen and talked to my ops manager and KU co worker ( she struggled with IF for 5 years and is 8 months =) As I was talking I knew I was going to throw up. I ran to the bathroom and did just that =(

I went back to the kitchen to tells my ops manager that I gave up and would be going home ( she too struggled with IF and now has 2 beautiful Daughters via Clomid and IUI, so she  knows what is going on with me) She told me to go home and rest up.

I picked C up from my in-laws and we came home and slept. I slept from 2:15-5:00. When I woke up I was starving so I had a little something to eat and badly wanted to go back to bed, but didn't. Im scared I wont be able to sleep tonight. 

Semi gassy today, cramps like always, sluggish, fatigue, nausea, 2 episodes of vomiting, stuffy/runny nose. Cramping feels really low, not like AF cramps. From supps. im guessing. 

Im so getting sick....

8 dpIUI

Today was a ball of emotions wrapped up in wrapping called Sunday. C and I woke up and contemplated getting breakfast. Nixed that when C decided she wanted to go to the Flea Market. She called SIL, MIL, FIL BIL and other SIL to see if they wanted to go. So off we trail like one big happy family ( which we are most of the time). I told C " I don't usually eat at the flea market but i sure am looking forward to a corn dog!"

A few hours into the trip I obtain my ever sought after corn dog ( and some fries!) and was happy. C and I decided it was time to leave but not before buying some MORE Salt and Lemon Pistachio's. Let me tell you people these things are delicious, therefor I can look past the fact that they are covered in salt.

This morning I called my Mom to tell her about the shooting vagina pain (O the things this women knows about me know, I mean I know she's my mom and all but NEVER did I think I would consult her as to what to do about shooting vagina pain) She said I should call the DR and see what they say, mom's know best.

 So that I did.


 Let me tell you fellow IF'ers, never and I repeat NEVER call your OB department with questions regarding IF stuff ( REI clinic was closed in my defense or I never would have called). After explaining that I was 9dpo and 8dpIUI, (which the acronym IUI baffled them and I was asked if I meant IUD) The advise nurse has no idea was progesterone supps. were and told me to call RE tomorrow. She added in for good measure that if the pain got worse to call them back and I thought " so you mean if the pain gets worse, call you so you can tell me your not sure what it is and to take medicine that may or may not cause harm to the possible embryo growing inside me?!" I. THINK. NOT! (Logically, I know that the last part wouldn't happen but I was pissed!)

So, I have found out that when the pain happens, if I can, I should lay down. It seems to help a bit. I also think that the supps. are causing all the cramping =(

6 & 7 dpIUI

6 dpIUI-Friday Aug. 27
Cramps were pretty bad in the afternoon. I sat at talked to C for a bit and cried a bit, then took a nap. Nothing looked good to eat so I had cheese and crackers for lunch =( I did start having this strange pain that maybe I should call the dr about but I have no idea what it is, or really how to explain it. Its sort of like a cramp that starts in my ute and the shoots down toward my vag. I have no idea what it is but it hurts!


7dpIUI- Aug. 28

C and out WHOLE family went to the Raider/49er game in Oakland. In the end my niners won and it was a great day! We were out there with all of our family and friends and had some great food, like always. I can't wait for C and I to have our own little one to share that with. Cramping like always and I felt like I had to pee a little more then normal but I did have some watermelon and a bottle or 2 of water. Not looking into this as anything!

=(

These cramps are KILLING me today, im pretty much in tears, plus my damn back!

Im so glad its the weekend.

5dpIUI

I am sad tonight. Since C has been working nights, we rarely get to see each other much. By the time I get off work and go either to my Inlaws ( where she sleeps during the day because it is much closer to her work) or home, we only get a few hours together before I have to leave to come home. For 5 years I have slept next to the amazing women I call my wife. For 5 years I have woken up with her and pushed her over when she invades 99% of the bed and now that she works nights, im on my own.
     Tonight I went to my Inlaws and C and I finished the invitations fot my SIL's baby shower. C ate and we sat and talked. I knew in the back of my head I had to leave soon ( damn laundry) but I was so sad to leave her 2 hours earlier then I usually do. When I came home, I cried. =(

     Work has been pretty demanding this week ( Hell, im a preschool teacher, its always demanding!) but I feel like im doing a lot more up and down on the floor, so tonight it caught up with me and my back started hurting a bit. I have to be careful since a few years ago I threw it out and was out of work for like a week. It sucked! So I shall take it easy tonight and tomorrow, after all we have a football game to go to on Saturday, Niners ( my team) Vs. Raiders ( C's team). Our whole family plus tons of friends are going. I cant wait!

     I told C tonight " I dont know what the lady did to my uterus but I wish these cramps would stop!" to which she replied " O I know what she did alright"...smartass! No but honestly, I think the cramps may be due to the supps. however I can't bes sure since I have never taken them before. Only time shall tell.

I also have started to lose track of how many dpIUI I am and have to look at the day before's post just to be sure.

4dpIUI

Wow has today been a gassy day! "its not smelly" as C would say, just gas! Other then that the day went well. It was a long day at work being that today was the second Open House that school held. So I worked the 8 hour day then an extra 1.5 hours. I was SO ready to go home and get in to bed.

On the way home, the cramps started again. Along with a strange pain on my right side, sort of between my side and my back, strange. Totally from being over worked today.

Supps. going well. Nothing new there.

Until tomorrow...

3dpIUI

Same as yesterday with cramping which I have narrowed down to mainly happening at night ( just got a wave of them!)

O and today starts the first day  ( hopefully of the first 10 weeks!) of progesterone supps. It was a little messy but not as bad as I thought it would be.

2dpIUI

2-Days Past IUI

Thank the good lord that the bloating has gone away and I could wear jean pants to work today! The cramping was still slight but enough for me to notice so I called the RE like the freak I am. They reassured me that it was normal and that I could take Tylenol for it and also use a heating pad ( lady do you know how hot it was outside today!)

Thankfully my appetite seems to be gearing back up a bit. This morning I actually ate something, yogurt with special k added in for crunch. I ate a small lunch with the kids then an afternoon snack with them as well. I have just been SO thirsty!

C and I went to the girls Softball game ( double header) and they won both! Go Team!

GO AUGUST!!!!

My 3 Little Birds

Mama and her 2 babies. I hope they bring me some luck!

1dpIUI

Or for those of you who don't speak Infertility (IF)
1DayPastIUI

Same bloating as yesterday but much less. The plan was to wear shorts but alas I put them on and it almost hurt =(
So I resorted to my dress =)

Still not very hungry but did manage to eat Grandma's roast and some bread. After grandma's C and I went to the mall looking for some shoes for her and The Boy and something for Baby G ( unborn Godson). We found some black shoes for C to wear to work and some Spiderman shoes for The Boy. He wont get them until his mom's baby shower in Oct. It will be the gift that is for him =)

On the way home we stopped for gas and C asked if I wanted " something with flavor" being that I had been drinking water all day. "No, my stomach is not feeling well", "are you sure??" she asked about 5 times and then said " Im getting you Sprite". Which in the end made my stomach feel better. So thanks baby!

When we got home we noticed that the Mourning Dove who once again has nested on our front porch had her baby..o wait BABIES! She had two babies this time! Exciting..especially now there are


"Three little birds pitch by my doorstep
Singin' sweet songs of melodies pure and true; saying, 
"This is my message to you-ou-ou.”

We've been sperminated!

Stats-
25.7 million post wash
Motility- 4 ( which was the highest they could be at!)

I woke up this morning around 8, both from being excited and my stomach not feeling so well, mainly heartburn. So I got up, did some laundry, had some breakfast and then around 9:30, took a shower. When the shower was done, it was time to wake C up. So, she woke up got ready and we were out of the house by 11:45am.

IUI went well with some cramping during but overall good! As I was laying on the table before we left I noticed that on the board next to me on the wall, there was a bunch of push pins that seemed to be just stuck on the board in no order. They were not all the way pushed in, so I decided to push them in. As soon as I did I noticed that they formed a heart! It made both C and I smile. C also decided to let the spermies know that if they swam fast enough, she would by it ( or them) whatever they wanted when they got older. he he he

After IUI, I was pretty tired and hungry. So C and I stopped at Wing Stop and then got some fruit by her mom's house. When we got to her mom's I took a much needed nap.

Here's to hoping that we get through these next 2 weeks fast and also hoping that blood work to check if I ovulated comes back good as well.

For those of you who read this blog and are on my Facebook or that I know in real life, please refrain from asking about any of this on Facebook. We would like to keep this information to our selves. This is also the reason why not everyone has  the link to my blog. We will share information good or bad as C and I feel comfortable. We also may not post results to our beta the day we get them. If this is the case please wait until we post them to ask how it has gone. If the news is good, I am sure that C and I will want to bask in the good news on our own for a few days. On the other hand, if the news is not good, then we will need time to our selves to recoup and get ready for the next steps.


 Also, I would like to thank everyone for the well wishes that we have been given the last few days, it means so much to C and I. Not everyone knows what this journey is like and we are grateful to have people who support us.

Now, it is time for bed. A body trying to get pregnant and grow a baby needs sleep!

Update on Trigger

This morning I headed on over to the REI clinic, HCG in hand. I handed it over and the receptionist wished me good luck this cycle. They finally call my name and I go back with the nurse. 

"Go ahead and drop your pants and bend over the counter" 

  "sure..."

and it was done. She added a little bandaid and I was done. I went with her to the reception area to make tomorrow's apt. 

So...tomorrow @ 12:30= inspermination time!  On the way to work I started to have mild cramping and by the time I got to work, I had  a pretty bad headache. All day was sort of a fog, so I left early. C and I were home about 5:45 and we went to sleep. However I woke up about 8:30 STARVING, unfortunately, my stomach wont let me eat much =(

On another note...

I realize that this journey brings up loads of questions from others that I may not talk about. If anyone has questions about our journey, please feel free to leave a comment and ask, nothing is off limits. I will only answer questions from those that leave their name however.

Spermcicles!

So last night C and I were talking about how the RE told me to take OPK's until I get a +. I also said " i NEVER get a positive! why waste this nice follie that is growing!"

C agreed and suggested that I call to double check with REs NP who we saw at yesterdays ultra sound. So I made the call on my lunch, here is about how the conversation went.

" Hi I had a ultrasound yesterday and was told by NP to use OPK's until I get a positive the call , but honestly I wont Ovulate on my own and was wondering if we would be using the HcG trigger shot this time?"
   "O Sure, let me go look at your chart and as a NP what they think"
"No Problem"

::insert Kaiser commercials on healthcare etc::

"Hi, J, So NP would like you to come in tomorrow morning to trigger and plan for IUI Saturday"
  "Wait, what? Really?"
"Yup!"

HOLY.COW.

I was surprised! My E2 levels came back 198 yesterday and NP said they were better than expected!!

So C shall pick up our spermcicles tomorrow and Saturday morning, we are off to be injected!

Keep us in your thoughts as we get through the 2 week wait (2ww) and pray that this is the month for us!!!

Scared

Although I am hopeful this month is the moth for a BFP, those thoughts that seem to creep back all the time have arrived. I am still hopeful but im scared. I am so scared to go into the follie check tomorrow and have nothing there. The last time I did 150mg of Clomid for 5 days ( this time was 7 days) I had nothing growing.

I'm scared...

E2 Results

On CD 11 E2 levels are at 107!

I initially freaked out thinking that the number wasn't high enough ( and who knows it may not be) but im not going to stress! The last time they were taken it was at 82 ( about a year ago when I was not Oing on my own at all) So I will take any rise in numbers I can get. I am hoping since yesterday when the blood was taken it was only cd11 we are still really early in the game!

Grow Follies Grow!

E2 today

I had planned to give my follies a day more to grow and take E2 on Monday. I then realized that with C working nights and this week being a little hectic ( Dr's apts and SIL going to AI as well) I wont get a chance to get to the DR tomorrow. So I shall go today....

Let's hope for great numbers!!!

Dull achy feeling TAKE II!

I wake up this morning ( C still sleeping after 15 hours!!!) to the dull achy feeling on my left side now. Some of the girls on the message board i frequent say its a good thing. Let's hope so!

GO AUGUST!!!!

Last day is kickin my butt!

Tonight was the last night of Clomid. Hopefully that means the hot flashes will subside a bit. Today they seem to be coming in waves unlike days before when i only had a few a day. While siting at my desk today and o wow right now, i have a dull achy pain on my right side near my ovary, could it be follies growing?! I sure hope so!

I go in Monday to have b/w for E2 levels and im REALLY nervous that it will come back with not to steller results. I have also decided that I want C to get the news when we have our beta. I want her to be able to break it to me that we get a BFP this month ( okay or in reality if we get a BFN again).

C has started working nights so I sleep on my own now, which is nice but also lonely at the same time. The clomid makes me so bloated at night its hard to get comfortable so when she isnt here I can lay how I want.

GO AUGUST!

2 more days of Clomid!

Horah! I was worried when we didn't get the Rx for longer then 5 days but RE just called and said he sent in a new RX for 2 more days worth!

Grow Follies Grow!

Well Hello There

Well Hello to you too Aunt Flo!

This morning as I lay in bed I thought " It feels like AF is here, nah, I wont get my hopes up" So I stagger to the bathroom half awake and wanting to go back to sleep. Slump on the toilet and look down to my green shorts. HOLY COW! She came! So I clean up get ready for work and go into the room to tell C.

I shake her gently and as she wakes up I tell her. She opens one eye, looks at me, gives me a high five and falls back asleep.

So on the way to work I tell my self " I wont call RE until Lunch" Yea, that didn't last long. As soon as I got out of the car I called. Talked to a nice nurse who said that she would send the RX for Clomid over to the pharmacy and I should plan to start on Saturday! EEEKKK!!!!!

Then around 11:30ish I get a call from them. I call back around 12:00 and RN says " RX is filled and can be picked up. Start 150mg of Cloimid on Saturday for 5 days. Ultrasound on 18th @ 9, O and bring your hcg with you as we might trigger you that day!

Holy Cow! Let's go AUGUST!

Three Little Birds..Cont

So today I decided to go for a walk on my lunch. My work is right on a Nature Preserve sort of and has a great trail and walk way. So as im walking, I get to the end of the trail and see this..

Three Little Birds... 

Today was a great day......

Thank you Bob

Being that I am being EXTREMELY positive and honestly taking any "good luck" signs that I can get this morning was a great one. I love Bob Marley and when I got in the car this morning and turn on my iPod, "Three Little Birds" came on <3<3<3<3

Rise up this mornin', 
Smiled with the risin' sun, 
Three little birds 
Pitch by my doorstep 
Singin' sweet songs 
Of melodies pure and true, 
Sayin', ("This is my message to you-ou-ou:") 

Singin': "Don't worry 'bout a thing, 
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right." 
Singin': "Don't worry (don't worry) 'bout a thing, 
'Cause every little thing gonna be all right!"

So I drive to work happy and singing.

Then I come into the classroom an how funny, the children are listening to the childrens version of Bob Marley songs and, "Three Litte Birds" is on!

Ok I get it, everything will be alright..

Then as a kicker, Pandora suggests that I listen to my Bob Marley station this morning..

I also think its funny because for the 2nd time in about a month a Mourning Dove has chosen our front porch to nest and have her baby  =)

Im a happy girl today

Why today is awesome

C and I had a great Sunday which always makes for a great Monday but here are a few more reasons why today is awesome!

-Read books to my 4 year olds at work ( I <3 them)

- Watched the clouds with one of the little's at work

-Used a tube to have a conversation with another little at work ( We talked for about 10 mins about her upcoming beach trip)

-Had AMAZING Watermelon at lunch with the kids. This afternoon we plan on making "Watermelon Snowcones"

Plus,
Tonight is the Softball Game!

Could today get any better?!

Decided

I have decided to believe that this cycle will end in a BFP until otherwise noted.  I will respond great to the Clomid and O when I need to. Donor Sperm will have great postwash count and all will go fine! I believe that we will have a May baby and when my birthday comes in April, we will be putting finishing touches on the babies room!

Honestly

A part of me wants to invision a BFP. Wants to invision our DS meeting with my egg and doing a little dance in my body, making the baby that we want to very very much. I want to, I really do. I want to think of the moment we will get that call from the RE nurse "Congratulations your beta came back positive and the numbers are great!"

Then another part of me creeps in and says " Dont do it, dont you dare think that will happen this month!" and im torn. Do I stay thinking positive and invisioning they dance that will go in within my body and hopefully result in a LO or do I protect my heart and know it wont work?

Reality..

C and I talked last night about the emotional and physical toll that IF and TTC has taken on me so far. I told her that I know it has only been coming up on 3 medicated cycles and if it doesn't work this time, or the next or the next or the next, Im not sure how much I will be able to handle and I know that if we don't get pregnant sooner then later we will eventually have to make the choice to stop. For now we are happy and healthy and hoping that the 3rd times a charm.

World Record

I feel like I could honestly get a world record for how many time I am in the bathroom a day. I dread taking my meds every night and I cant wait for it to stop!

Number 2

Man! Hot flash number 2 @ 11pm!

Spoke to soon...

Hot flash #1 @ 8:58pm...

Progesterone Day #1

So far so good. No hot flashes today but I have felt like AF arrived ALL DAY! However, when I check, there is nothing there.

Here's to hoping tomorrow is as good as today.

OK, Go!

I got the go ahead from Dr. D to start taking the progesterone tonight. Instructions are as follows and as usual. Take for 10 days then wait for AF.

(Left to Right)
Progesterone(10mg), Metformin(1700mg) & Prenatal(that tastes like crap)

C'mon round number 3!

Whirlwind

I feel like when I don't write for a while, there is then to much to write and it overwhelms me. So, I don't write. I let the days turn into weeks without writing a blog and that is not what this is intended for. I made this blog to chronicle our journey to motherhood and all that it held. I will not attempt to write what has already happened, I will simply start from here.

Our next apointment with Dr.D was set for July 21st, early morning. About 2 weeks ago, after the shock that I had O'd and had AF without Provera had set it, C and I were talking. I asked her if she thought I should email Dr. D and let him know what has been going on. Well, I did. I emailed him and filled him in on the details of the last month or so and asked what he thought. I wanted him to email me back and say that we could cycle soon and start the Clomid and what do ya know, he did just that. The "plan" is to wait for CD 1 then call for an ultrasound on CD 3-5. Then start the Clomid.

I dont know what it is but I have a feeling about this cycle. I feel confident like I never have before and feel good going into this.

Next Apt..

Is set for Wednesday July 21 @ 9. I know im going to be in big trouble for not loosing the weight but hopefully he can look past that and at the fact that I O' on my own this month!!!!!

Holy Cow!

I went pee earlier around 1 and it was pink!!!! I hope this means AF comes in full swing in the next few days!!!!!

A year ago...

1 year ago today was the first step we took in becoming parents and honestly I dont feel much closer then we were a year ago.






 If anything I feel further from the fact and more and more in limbo

Tumblr

If I moved the blog to tumblr, would I still have readers?

We are going to be...

Godparents! C's sister asked us yesterday if we would be God Parents to the baby she is currently pregnant with!!! We are very excited!

::cough cough::

So about a week ago I started the sneezing thing. Thinking it was only allergies, I stopped by Target and picked up some Allergy medicine. When after taking it for 4 days my sneezing, coughing and stuffy nose only got worse, I got real with my self and admitted it was a cold. So I gave it and got cold medicine, used Vicks on my nose and suffered through the nights not really being able to sleep. Then 2 nights ago, while at my inlaws, my cough started to make me wheeze. On Thursday ( which I had off for The Boy's birthday) I called the Dr. to ask what I should do. The convo went something like this.

" Hi J, I heard you wenrt feeling well whats going  on?"
::insert story here::
" Hmmm okay well keep taking the OTC meds and we can always put you on a high dose steroid for the wheezing....o wait...are you trying to get pregnant?
"Yes but...."
"Okay lets just stick with the inhaler and OTC meds"

::hmph:: my cough is still pretty bad...

In other news tomorrow is The Boy's birthday party!!!!!! CANT WAIT!

Worried

I know that TTC is a long and trying road but the more people I see who have waited 4,5,6 even 7 years to be pregnant, my hopes are smashed. I hope it does not take that long for C and I...

Feels Silly

It feels silly to be taking about having to buy a Sit n Stand stroller for when my SIL has her baby. But in reality its not, we have The Boy alot and if we take The Baby any where, we need a stroller that The Boy can sit on!

Talking

C and I got to talking last night before bed about all the things we want to do.

Go to
-Vegas
-Cancun
-Hawaii

and go camping for about a week and how IF we had a baby we could still do those things but it would be harder. So we decided to use the one last vial that we have in storage and then take a year or so long break. It will give us a chance to act our age and go out and party and go on well deserved vacations. If the next cycle ends in a BFP then we will still be beyond the stars thrilled! I may change the name of the blog but then again I might not. Even if we are not actively trying with IUI, I still feel like my everyday lives includes things that pertain to fertility and getting pregnant.

Mother's Day and a few extra goodies

So I spent today with my mom. We went to the Egyptian Museum a few cities over and had a great time. It is always nice to get to spend some time with her. We get to talk and reminisce on when i was young. I love her!

After we were done there, we went over and had lunch, her favorite, Red Lobster. By that time C had called ( she went to brunch with her mom, sisters, aunt and grandma) and said she was at my In-Laws house and if we wanted to come in for some desert. Mom said sure she would love desert, so we made our way over there. C made chocolate covered strawberries ( yum yum ) Mom enjoyed a few and then had to be on her way. Al in all it was a wonderful day!

On another note ( which Im sure I have posted before ) C is going to start playing softball this summer. For right now she is practices with the team she will join. Almost all the girls on the team she went to high school with and played softball with. I think its REALLY sexy when she practices, I have no idea why, but I do!

Another cycle

So lets see I have to recap the last cycle.

After 10 days of Provera, AF showed up 4 days after my last pill. She stayed for 7 days and then on CD 11-14 I had  bad pains on my left side. I had emailed my RE to ask him what might be going on. He said it could be a cyst but not to worry and to just track the bleeding and we would see him in July. I was not very happy with that answer so I called my OB and book an apt. I went in to see her and she said she didn't feel any cysts and everything looked good. She said it was most likely ovulation pains. She said even though I just had a cycle, that because it was induced, its possible that my bod was gearing up to start a cycle on its own. So now I am on CD 3 and we will have to wait to see if this cycle was a fluke or im really ovulating on my own.

I also just ordered this and this!

1700 and doing fine

Saturday night was the first night I took the large dose of Metformin. I took it right before bed hoping that if there were going to be any side effects, I wouldn't feel them. Sunday morning I felt fine. So again last night I took the 1700 mg and did great! I have so much hope that the larger dose will help to kick start some ovulation.

PCOS and a pregnancy (not mine)

I knew it all along. When we first met our last RE, I knew deep down I had PCOS. I am still unsure as to why I never pressed the issue with the first RE. 

We went to meet with our new RE, Dr. D last Thursday and right off the bat he said I have PCOS. I told him that was what I assumed and that I KNOW that I dont have to have cysts on insulin resistance to have PCOS. At times what he was telling C and I made it sound like we would never conceive but at some points he made it sounds like it would all be alright. The plan is to lose 10-15 pounds and go back in July. He said that we would up the dose of Clomid to about 250mg a day and take it longer then just 5 days. He said to keep taking my Metformin and we would see where we are at in July. 

The day before our Dr's appointment C and I got a text message from my SIL saying that she is pregnant. I was at work getting ready for a meeting and I had to leave the room. I lost it and broke down crying. When I got home on Wednesday C and I cried. We stopped crying, had dinner, cried, C took a shower and cried. We were not so much mad at my SIL for being pregnant but were sad at the fact that it is not us. My heart still hurts a bit to think about it.

We will see what the next few months bring. 

On a happy note, last night I took the full 1700mg of Metformin and was fine!!! Horah! 

The morning is upon us

And we meet our new Dr, Dr.D as I shall refer to him as in T-Minus 72 minutes! 

On a side note AF started yesterday well really last night and has ramped up this am and I am happy about that.

There is a lot more to tell about things that happened yesterday but that will be a blog for another time, maybe today maybe this weekend. 

Thank you to all of my readers as well, who make me feel heard, even if i never hear from any of you. 

Paying for it

So, Im a gluten for punishment and I keep taking my Metformin with no food. Well today I paid for it. About 30 mins after I took it, I got a headache and my stomach started hurting really bad. I need to follow directions on the bottle better =(

Great things

This that have made this week great. In no particular order.

-Deciding to switch RE's!

-Meeting with the women where we will FINALLY have our own wedding!!

-Getting new contacts ( the only down part was the price =(

-WOYC!

-Going to the carnival at the Boy's school!!!!

- Its the weekend and I get to spent it with my wonderful wife and amazing family!!!!!!

o..and its pay day!

Excited!

So this morning I was thinking about not switching clinic's but just switching Dr's within the clinic that we go to now. So I called and sort of got the run around and was basically told that when we make apts. we can ask to see our Dr but its not guaranteed and that most Dr's time is scheduled for IVF. I was not happy with the way the conversation went so I went ahead and called another clinic within my medical group.
     The man who answered was very nice and asked me questions about what we were doing now, what meds I was on and took the time to find a Dr to set us up with who would benefit us. We will be meeting with the Sub Chef of EC and IF next Thursday. I hope everything goes well.

Different Doctor

So before we get to the Dr situation im going to update about the meds.

Provera-I started taking it on the 7th and will finish with my 10 days on the 17th. Then AF will show.

Metformin-I started taking it again last night. Im currently doing 1 850mg pill 1 time a day. The last time I took it, I did the 2 weeks with one pill and then moved up the dose as told by my Dr. to 2 850 mg pills a day. Well when I took the two pills I for really sick. So I just did the 1 pill. The RE told me 1 pill of Metformin was better than nothing. Well today I emailed the RE and asked if I should try the 2 pills a day again and he said yes. So in 2 weeks, I will start the 1700 mg of Metformin a day.

PNV's-Started taking them again =)

So as to why the Dr. change.

When we first started TTC, our RE told me that I should lose some weight but never said anything more about it. When we started our cycle the nurse we saw and continue to see continuously brought it up about my weight, always was saying to watch what I ate and to lose weight. Now I know im overweight, im not denying that but I know PLENTY of women who are overweight and have had children. I shrugged the comments off every time we saw her. C and I then got a Balley's membership and started going to the gym, we started eating better and overall I felt better, but I still did not lose any weight. Initially when we started our treatments I lost 8 pounds. Again, every time we saw her she commented on my weight and made it a big deal.
     When I emailed her in Feb. to tell her that we were taking a break and would resume in June so that we could recover financially and for me to lose some more weight. She emailed back and said something to the effect of " Im sure that when you lose the weight you will conceive." Needless to say I was surprised and what she said and a little bummed. I had been duped into believing that UNLESS I LOSE WEIGHT I WILL NEVER CONCEIVE.
     After March went by I decided to ask some of the girls on TheBump.com ( where I frequent) what they thought and if they thought we should change Dr.'s. A lot of them agreed with me and said that yes, being over weight can hurt my chances but NO Dr. should be so concerned with that that they lack on what they should be doing. They should be a partner in the process, not reminding me that Im fat whenever I see them.
     I talked to C today and she agreed that we should switch. So I made a call to another branch of the medical we have and will wait for them to call. I hope we find an RE that we both like and who can look past my weight and focus on getting us a LO!

Beans and a Birthday

Let's start with the beans. The other day the boy spent the night with us and after he had read two books, tucked in his moosey and gave his Bay Bay her final kisses good night, He fell off the bed. Well not all the way but C woke up to him hanging onto her legs for dear life and while I slept, she lowered him to the floor where he curled up into a ball and fell back asleep. So anyway, after all of that I dreamt that we had hundreds of jelly beans all over our bed. None of them fell off or were under us, just hundreds of jelly beans where our bodies were not.  My cousin looked it up online and apparently its a sign of fertility, I doubt it.

Onto the birthday. It came and went like any other day but this day was my day, or our day. We rented a limo, large enough o fit 16 members of our family and took it to the city. We ate, we drank and we had fun. My wife made me a homemade cake and the day was wonderful. I could not ask for a better family or a better wife. Plus, the boy got me a Dora birthday card " She needs this one bay bay, she loves it!" He told C as they picked it out for me.

And the Provera..it has been good to me so far with minimal hot flashes

Provera how I love thee

Day number 2 of Provera and I already feel icky!

On the road again

Well the time has come my friends to again start on this crazy journey of making a baby. I have not had a period since Feb. So I went ahead and took the pregnancy test  last week and am now planning on calling for my Provera. O how I hate that stuff. I love that get its be back on track but HATE the hot flashes and mood swings.

Denial

I feel horrible. One of the very few times since I have been married, I denied C. Well not really denied her but didn't give the truth or facts. I had a parent ask me If that was my sister who picked me up the other day. I told her no and paused. I looked into her face and she gave me a look like she knew, but didn't want to assume. I didn't come out and say "No, that was my wife" Instead,  I froze and said nothing.

I feel horrible

March is almost over, where does time go? I recently have been reminiscing on the fact that it has been almost a year since C and I decided we would try for a baby. Almost a year since we began on this journey.

Since the last cycle was a bust, I vowed to lose weight and try again in June. However, I suck at loosing weight but to be honest C and I have lacked on going to the gym and we have to stop that. Even though our 3rd cycle isn't until June, im already dreading it. The hot flashes, the mood swings, the upset stomach and the let down of no mature follies.

In light of all of this we do have good things going on.

-Spring time! Thank goodness for the sunshine, we made it on our first of many beach trips this year.

-Tre's Wedding-Its not until July, but I ordered my dress and its really cute! I had photos but im not sure where I put them but this is the dress ( The one we are wearing is red, not pink!)

Until Next time..

A birthday surprise..

I so badly want to blog about what C is getting for her birthday, but I cant! I will have to wait until after her birthday to spill the beans. I hope she likes it

Congratulations

A congrats is in order for my cousin. Her and her husband have been trying for their own little one for around 5 years now. She was diagnosed with PCOS and had given up hope for having her own child. This last cycle, she said was her last and low and behold she is pregnant! Im happy for her...

Much about nothing

Nothing new is going on in the home front of baby making, well, except one thing. Last week I emailed by doctor on CD 39 and explained what was going on. I said that we would not be trying again until June but wanted to know what to do about the current long cycle. He gave me two options-

1- I could take the pregnancy test he put online for me and then take Provera ( O horah bring on the hot flashes!)

or

2- I could wait until Mid may- take the Provera and then the cycle that starts after that, would be the cycle we would try.

I talked to C about and talked about it and she says that it is up to me what we do. She says its my body, shes right. But im still not sure what to do.

I have been so melancholy lately and have no idea why. Its one of those feelings that you just cant shake. The only time I am really happy is when its just me and C, no one else.

And again, I SUCK at loosing weight..but that's not new.

Suck

I suck at loosing weight..

Quote & Noting more

"Anything that can be done chemically can be done by other means."

A Valentine's Recap

Valentine's day has never been a day where C and I spend a massive amount of money for dinner and gifts. She loves to give me stuffed animals and I like to get her sappy cards. Needless to say Valentine's day was not a big commotion like it is for some people.

We got a heart shaped pizza from C's (almost favorite pizza place) Pizza My Heart!

We stayed in a hotel all weekend too! ( Forgive the mess we already made about 5 mins into being in the room)

Had a very yummy breakfast Saturday morning.

Along with breakfast they gave us these pint sized tabasco sauces. I thought it was really funny how small they were.

    View from the room, not the nicest but not bad either.

Nothing really

I have not been updating since there is nothing really to update on. No + OPK yet but sure lots of CM! Im holding out on calling for the Provera until next week sometime.

I had said before that I already looked at this cycle as a bust, but I guess part of me hopes its not.